A Camper Experience

Freeze The Feeling

By Will

Freeze the feeling. Freeze the mountains. Freeze the shoreline. Freeze your faces in my mind. Freeze the memories. Freeze the wind blowing past my face. Freeze the hot sand. And I’ll freeze you…

It is a tradition at Camp Lightbulb to spend your first night with a bonfire on a beach. Having been dropped off a few hours prior with a hiking backpack, a guitar, and less than a hundred dollars, I, like an overwhelming majority of my fellow campers, had severe anxiety in regard to my conditions. 7 days in a house with 36 high schoolers who have contradicting personalities and behaviors in a brand new environment, where the only trait that we all have in common is being queer? It read like a recipe for disaster for me, as I always struggled to make friends, whether at the two schools I belong to, at youth group, at music activities, or anywhere else, really. 

But I was here, on Sunday night, surrounded by these 36 who I would learn to love. It was a moment of vulnerability when I decided to bring my guitar on that trek to the beach. Back home, when I tried to share my music [either on piano or guitar] with family and friends, I’d be brushed to the side, for my passion wasn’t a priority to them. But now I was surrounded by a world of difference, and by the time we arrived at the beach I was laughing and joking like we had known each other our whole lives. A group of us formed a circle on the sand and I realized in order to trust these people I needed to be vulnerable with them. 

“Do you want to hear a song I wrote?” To my surprise, that was answered with nods and encouraging words. Theo, the other guitarist at camp, mentioned his own songwriting and June mentioned her accordion, while the surrounding campers mentioned their excitement. 

My whole life, I’ve always said that I was more comfortable with performing than simple interaction. So when I played Will2Live, it was not anxiety about forgetting the words or the chords. It was what they would think. But when the song ended four minutes later, it was to the support of my peers. To compliments and admiration. This is why Snyder says to be as courageous as you can. For moments like these. 

It opened something up for me and for them. It opened the door for Lunar to ask, “Can you play Wonderwall?” which led to a group singalong caught in 4K. With a perfect sunset, with picturesque mountains that led to the shoreline, and the faces of people who became friends who became family. 

That night, I realized I had to freeze every memory of that experience. From complete affirmation of every part of me to belonging for the first time, to finding that chosen family. To freeze the feeling of belonging. 

Education is experience, and this experience has taught me who I want to be.

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